Sorry for the gap between updates, y’all. It’s been a wild time in Raccoon City.
I hate and am scared shitless by Nemesis. He’s lumbering, stupid, single-minded and absolutely wrecking my nonsense right now. Here’s what it is. I am currently ensconced in the Parkway Bros. Subway Control Station. Outside is however many hundreds of pounds of asshole looking to fuck up my day. My health is currently the deep yellow I used for No Escape’s logo, which I regret now. I have no healing items, exactly one grenade, and a pressure headache to shake the gods. Save typewriters don’t work right now, and I’ve gotta make it to the subway.
How’s your day going?
Before I get into the heinous endocrine experience I’m in the middle of having, let’s double back on something I mentioned yesterday: Jill Valentine’s “classic” outfit.
So if you preordered the game, which I did kind of on accident, you’re rewarded with a reimagining of Jill’s outfit from the first game, which was apparently a skirt and a tube top in some thigh-high boots. It’s certainly a look, but considering where we’re at fashion-wise and in terms of video-game-verisimilitude in 2020, the whole college co-ed cop vibe is kinda weird — hence the modern look you start with. But apparently a lot of folks were really into this look, so CAPCOM went ahead and added the classic outfit for preorderers.
But it seems that the gesture wasn’t enough. It had to be the same outfit. And it Had to be sexy. In fact, people Had to be able to perv up Jill’s skirt. The fact that you can’t, because CAPCOM has made her skirt a skort? By god, it’s time for a CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT.
Gamers are fucking idiots.
So in our last note, Jill and I were in the power substation, preparing ourselves for a horrible time. And oh, CAPCOM. You really did that, huh? First you just absolutely drenched the substation in meat, then you made spiders the size of people with a propensity for face violence a la Alien‘s facehuggers. OH, and the spiders come out of buttholes on the walls! Just decadent set design. I’m getting nauseous just writing this paragraph. Flipping the breakers was easy enough, and I brought enough shotgun shells to deal with any monstrosity that tried to scuttle its way into my esophagus.
Nemesis jumped me as soon as I was out of the substation, and honestly, his presence never doesn’t just suck ass. He harangued me all the way to the Subway Control Station, where I’m currently holed up. I had to pause the game and lay down to get rid of the stress his whole shit gave me. I haven’t been back.
Next time: who knows? Maybe I’ll actually play more of the game.