UPDATE 8/3/2024: Holy shit, it’s been a week. Not even a week! Just six days. I’m currently sitting at ~62 percent of my total goal, or $6215. This is far and away the best response I could have ever asked for. I genuinely wasn’t kidding when I said I would’ve been fine if I hit the first or second goals – $750 and $1800, respectively – but here I am, just days away from being able to tell all but one (one!) installment loan company that has me by the short and curlies to fuck off.
I get paid this upcoming Friday, and even the prospect of only having one bill left to contend with from these predatory fucks fills me with a kind of elation that I don’t think I can properly describe or explain. I’ve slept better this week than I have in years. It feels possible to think about things other than my immediate financial destruction again. I even have a small list of stuff – mostly games, but some not – that folks want me to write about! I don’t want to move too quickly, or without thinking things through, but it actually feels possible for me to do cool shit with this website again.
So what’s next?
Well, to start with, I’m keeping the GoFundMe running. I was being serious when I said last week that I want this campaign to be the last time I ever ask the Internet for money in this fashion. I’m “only” 38 percent, or $3785, away from hitting a total goal that last week I would have told you I’d never in a million years even get close to. I’m “only” $1800 away from a goal that, to me, represents total debt freedom. Even if it takes me another six months to hit the end of the line I think I need to see it through.
I also need to get back into the swing of regular posting here. There’s a handful of games and other Internet ephemera I have to check out now thanks to some of my donors, and I intend to honor their requests in short order—beginning with a look at A Short Hike, a game I played years ago but didn’t write about. I’m not quite ready to jump back into extended projects or having outside contributors write for the site again – it’s gonna be a little while before I feel comfortable doing that – but that is a short term goal I have on my horizon.
Along with that, I actually really like the idea of readers suggesting stuff for me to talk about. After the dust truly settles on this campaign I might revamp the Patreon to include that as a perk for supporting the site. It could be fun, and it would be a way for me to really stretch my legs and see what’s out there.
Right now, though, I’m going to finish up this paragraph and hit “update” and then go take a shower before settling in to watch some YouTube videos for my other job. Before I go, I want to say just two more things: first, I cannot express my thanks deeply enough for getting this campaign this far along. It truly feels unreal to me. Second, I’ve gotten a few messages along the lines of “Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t donate,” or “I’m sorry my donation wasn’t that much.” I want to reiterate what I said last week: I fully do not expect anyone to donate to my GFM. If you do or if you can: I am genuinely appreciative of whatever you threw in my direction. If you don’t or if you can’t: I am genuinely appreciative for your support and encouragement. Being on the Internet can feel isolating as fuck sometimes, and the last week has shown me that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Anyway, thanks for reading and for having my back not just now but over the years. It means a lot more than you probably know.
Hey y’all,
For the second time in a few years I’m starting a GoFundMe. This time, though, it’s not for the site, at least not explicitly. It is to help me get out from under the weight of debt that I’ve been carrying for more than a decade at this point, but which has finally gotten so bad that it’s affecting everything from my sleep patterns to my overall mental health and ability to do the thing that you likely already support me for: this website.
If you’ve been wondering why the posting has decreased here, or reduced in quality, or why we started 2024 off publishing other writers and then just as suddenly stopped doing that again, this is why: I am out of money, I am in debt, and it feels like I’m living every day in pure, basic survival mode.
This GFM, in which I’m asking for $10,000, is a moonshot, a Hail Mary. I don’t expect it to raise anything; it will be the last time I ask the Internet for money, whether it works or it doesn’t. If it works, obviously it’ll mean I’ll be able to post more and maybe my mental health will improve and I won’t feel like every moment is a countdown to a terrible ending, and I’ll be able to think of compelling angles to talk about video games again. If it doesn’t work, maybe I’ll figure something else out. Bankruptcy, probably. I don’t know.
I hate doing this. I hate being in this position. I hate that I’ve already asked for money this year and people have been extremely generous and it just feels like all that generosity just went into a hole. I wish I had something to show for that generosity, or proactively for anything I gain from this campaign. So, if there is something you want me to cover or talk about or look at in exchange for your support on this campaign, just shoot me an email with proof of your donation, no matter how small. It’s [email protected]. I can’t promise I’ll write a bunch of magnum opuses at your request but I will do what I can just simply to show appreciation for your support.
Anyway, this feels bad to me and I’m already starting to regret it, so I’m going to wrap this up by saying thank you in advance and I owe you my life. I wish that was figurative.
Edit: here is the text of the GFM I posted.
Hi y’all,
My name is Kaile Hultner. I am an online cultural critic who has been running the video game criticism website No Escape since 2019. My work has been featured in other places like PC Gamer, Polygon and Bullet Points Monthly. And like a lot of people, I have been deeply in debt for years.
Debt is a very strange phenomenon. As anthropologist David Graeber demonstrated in his book Debt: The First 5000 Years, it is a phenomenon that imparts a kind of moral valence on a person; whether or not that person can pay their debts is a sign of their trustworthiness or virtue as a member of polite society. Yet you can’t go without debt: at some point, at least in the United States, you have to pick up a form of debt – credit – to establish your credit score, without which you can’t rent an apartment, buy or lease a car, or, in some cases, even get a job. Being debt-free can harm this score, as can having a credit history that is “too young.”
I’ve been in debt for a long time. I’ve been managing my debt for over a decade. Every year for the last six or seven years in particular it feels like I’m losing progressively more and more ground. Seven years ago I had a car; I could do things like deliver Uber Eats and DoorDash and make extra money whenever I ran out. It broke down in my driveway in 2022 and I couldn’t afford to take it to a mechanic to get it fixed. I sold it for $200. I haven’t been able to replace it. I don’t know what I’ll do if I ever need a car for anything. Luckily my day job is WFH.
Recently, I’ve been fighting with my old bank over charges it erroneously applied to my account in excess of $1000, causing it to go deep into the negatives. I’ve been slowly, slowly digging myself out of that hole thanks to some close friends and some very kind folks who follow me on the Internet. But it’s caused other debts to exacerbate. And tonight I realized that I am at the end of my rope. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t sit here and say that I’ve done everything right; certainly, more than one bad decision made out of desperation has put me here. I won’t make excuses for that. But I’m tired of being here, in this position. I’m tired of waking up in the middle of the night with heart palpitations because I got an alert from my bank that I’m in the negatives. I’m tired of getting emails and phone calls from debt collectors. I’m tired of living in basic survival mode with no discernible path forward. I’m tired of being tired, of not having the energy to be creative and do the work I’ve built an online presence around for five years. And paradoxically, I’m tired of asking people on the internet for money.
So I’m going to ask people on the internet for money, one final time.
I’ve set the goal at $10,000. This is far more than I’m honestly expecting to get, but if I get even a fraction of that I could finally obliterate my debts in a meaningful way. I do have specific milestones that I basically need to meet, otherwise this GFM doesn’t hit its maximum effectiveness, but otherwise the sky is the limit. If I reach the whole amount… I don’t really know what I’ll do. Cry, maybe.
Milestones – bolded is the current milestone to reach
- Milestone met!
$750 – gets my old bank account out of the negatives. Eliminates one vector of harassment, allows me to close that account and move on. - Milestone met!
$1800 – does the above and allows me to fully pay any late or past-due loan payments missed as a result of the bank issue. - Milestone met!
$6000 – does the above and allows me to fully pay off all installment loans - $8000 – does the above and allows me to pay off any remaining debts.
- $10,000 – does the above and allows me to start saving.
- $10,000+ – basically a moonshot, I have no idea what I’ll do with extra.
I fully do not expect you to donate to this. There are people trying to escape genocides, much more abject poverty, crushing medical debt, and so much more that feel – at least to me – so much more worthy of your attention and money. But just know that if you dodonate something, you have my undying appreciation. I will quite literally owe you my life.
I’m going to post this now before I get too emotional or lose my nerve entirely, but again: thank you. Even if all you do is read this.
—Kaile
